Frequently Asked Questions - INFIDELITY
1. What should I do if I suspect an affair?
The primary steps to undertake are look and listen. Skirmishing about your observations never resolves the conflict. In cases of adultery, the worst source of facts comes from the “horse’s mouth”. To the contrary, denial is the adulterer’s first line of defense. This denial platform obstructs and obscures the truth. Asking a cheater for a confession will lead to certain disappointment and lies. In fact, I explain why in my book. Avoid clashes at all costs!
There is absolutely no reason why you should not initiate an investigation. It is your life and certainly your future. Absent the truth, you will never know where you stand in YOUR relationship. Besides, as a hard and fast rule victims are the very last to know!
Without a doubt, you are the best source of information for an investigator. You know your spouse, have access to inside information, and can place a phone call in a pinch and many more options. There is no one who is best suited to assist in the investigation then you. Since your marriage affords you privilege to records, bills, schedules and so forth, take advantage of the time, place and events to obtain evidence. There is more and I show you in Chapter 3 of The More You Know – Getting the evidence and support you need to investigate a troubled relationship makes your job simple. You can get your copy instantly at here in digital format or delivered “confidentially” to you “safe address.”
That depends on the type of affair. In most states, inclination and opportunity are the key ingredients for proving infidelity. I always advice my clients that “when I am confident testifying with the evidence I have gathered, we are fine”. I do not loss court cases for that reason. Even if you have a spouse who wishes to admit to the affair (a real rarity) and end the marriage, he/she must admit the details under oath. When court dates emerge two possible scenarios surface. First, they “flip-flop” or secondly, you find yourself duped and undoubtedly beyond recourse. Counting on their honesty is unwise. Either choice leaves you disappointed, frustrated and defeated.
So, be prepared to prove family law requirements and then some. More is better than less. By obtaining letters, cards, notes, text messages, emails, surveillance reports, video evidence and photographic proof is the sure way toward a “negotiation superhighway” or court victory. Legal decisions have lasting affects both emotionally and financially for years.
The cost will depend upon several factors, i.e., surveillance hours, travel, out-of-pocket expenses, conferences, report preparation, evidence duplication and so on. Whatever it takes to obtain the proof dictates the final billing.
The inexperienced and unseasoned investigators are in the hunt for any assignment. Logically, low pricing brings in the business. However, you get what you pay for in this business. As you would expect, “Infidelity Experts” command higher fees. Similarly, top lawyers require fees commensurate with their talents.
From my experience when lawyers or clients authorize the time and expenses required the outcome is “fruitful” and favorably “turns the tide.” Shortchanging an investigation can have unwanted consequences.
A normal retainer fee varies from $1500 to $5000.00 and more. Factor in the venues, travel, challenges, or complexities will dictate the costs. Remember, your number one goal is convincing and credible evidence, while there is time, by way of a reputable private investigative firm. I dedicated an entire chapter to hiring the private investigator. This chapter alone will save you precious time, anguish and resources.
Finally, the return on your investment can pay for itself in years to come, not to mention the important issue of child custody orders.
No. I will explain.
Please be aware a “bias” factors into the legal equation. Your desire to save a few dollars “DIYing” will cost you in court. Avoid the impulse and leave the investigating to the professionals. This is a dangerous business, instead be safe and no one is harmed.
Also, consider the “fall out factor”, future relationship twists of fate, and potential jeopardy for them. I explain this topic in my book as well. After four decades of investigating troubled relationships, I may have heard it all. Therefore, I encourage you to be wise at all costs avoid their involvement.
As the 7-Day Detective my methods, strategies and expertise make a case solvable in as little as one week. Your situation may vary but getting closure in a very little time is possible.
Then again, that will depend on how you act in response to the affair, at what stage the private investigator is hired, how well you have responded to your feelings and suspicions, whether or not the affair is ongoing, predictability factors and/or cunningness of your spouse.
Whatever happens, you must answer your intuitions before you find peace of mind.
This maybe true but as former President Ronald Reagan so graciously stated “Trust but Verify!”
Marriages flourish on trust, devotion, romance and unfailing love. Any mistrust and relationships suddenly veer utterly off course. I have spent most of my adult life and career effectively investigating relationships. In fact, nearly every client was right. And we proved it.
Statistically those who pursue the truth find it! A reputable private investigator wants to be successful. They commit each case their best efforts. Your intuitions start the process and other factors cultivate results.
After more than two thousand assignments, I attribute my personal career success to extensive “coaching” of my clients; eliminating possible conditions where a compromise is possible and work as though each case was my last. Therefore, you must verify the truth without ever revealing your suspicions. To be candid, troubled relationships are the majority of cases where affairs exist. In addition, intuitions play a vital role with detection of an affair thus, ending the victimization stage. I explore “Vulnerable Relationships” in my book. You should recognize them.
As a final point, once evidence is in hand, decisions are inevitable - some very endearing. For many victims discovering the truth comes with a price both psychologically and monetarily.
The “reticent few” hope their imagination is flawed. They choose to fear the future believing the resulting outcome is too thorny for them. They live in a defeated existence and truth eludes their relationship(s).
Most clients begin by seeking to understand the whole story, compelled to know the truth and get busy seeking it. If that is you, we will guide you along the way if you like. In either case, let facts lead your heart.
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